We all have at one point in our lives altered a decision or done something out of the opinions of others. Not saying considering others' opinions is bad, in fact, in most cases, it is very advisable but in cases where those opinions become detrimental to you, your decisions, and your life choices, then it becomes a problem.
A friend of mine was brainwashed into studying a particular course at the university hence directing him to a different career path from the one he would so much love to head. He did well in school and excelled in that discipline but he was still very much unhappy with what he was doing, long story cut short he took the bull by the horn and changed his discipline during his master’s studies which weren't rosy but the outcome was worth the stress. Just like this my friend many people have been through comparable circumstances.
You can get back your stand and do whatever you know is best for you and whatever you want to do. And this is how you can go about it;
1. Know Exactly Who you are
Have you ever had a reality check on yourself? Ever stopped and thought hard about who you are? What brought you this far and what do you want out of your life? I call these questions “the wake-up call questions” but some call them self-realization thoughts, whatever you decide to call it doesn't matter but the outcome of this simple but complex moment of truth with one's self can easily become your map to self-help. In a blog post, I wrote a while ago https://archetypeoflifewithzi.blogspot.com/2022/03/on-level-of-1-10-how-fucked-up-are-you.html I explained how everything we have become starts within and is influenced by things and beliefs that were incorporated into us during the early stages of our lives.
Most people that try to do what they want end up doing what others want them to do and being who people want them to be, they were conditioned to have the same goals, ambitions, careers, and even lifestyles as their parents, friends, partners, etc most times they are aware of this but more often they are blind to it. I call it Living in the illusion of some other people's beliefs.
Questioning yourself is a practice that takes time and patience, allow time to deliver the answers you need.
2. Be clear on what you want
Being clear on what you want is one solid option for not letting other people's opinions detect how you run your life. This is what I call a perception of the future. Create a loose image of what you want your future to look like, this image should be specific. You can go down memory lane to think of past mistakes and solutions to those mistakes. Don't get stuck in thinking this image should be crystal clear or unmistakable, think of it as a landmark to guide you to your final destination, by doing so you don't get worked up in trying to perfect it or panic when you can't fit something in the process. This is a process, be patient. With constant self-reflection, the image of what you want will piece together.
You have to reflect on a consistently.
We don't want to miss out on critical answers to the questions that flood our brain.
Clarity will birth obsessive progress.
3. Reflect on what you don't want.
This is not always talked about, but if you ever want to take charge of your mind, you need to understand what you don't want. It is impossible to know with absolute certainty what is going to happen in the future.
This is why the masses flock to "secure" jobs and belief systems. It's an illusion of certainty to avoid struggle. But in reality, we really can't avoid struggles.
You can't skip making mistakes.
Mistakes are your light in the dark. You have to sit with your mistakes to get a vision of what is ahead. What went wrong? What went right? How did this impact and affect me? And how can I change my habits and behavior accordingly.
A person who knows exactly what he/she won't entertain is one step closer to being a success.
4. Act with intentions
I once told an acquaintance that nearly all my actions are premeditated, that I know exactly what I'm doing when I'm doing it and why I am doing it. As a person, I think it does you great good when you act with intentions
Intensions= stretching towards goals.
Just like a person wanting to lose weight becomes mindful of their calorie intake so does a person with goals and a mind of his own. Being intentional in friendships, relationships, conversations, associations, habits, and behavior is what gives you focus regardless of what is going on around you.
Before you do anything always ask yourself “is this in line with the image of me I want to have? Do I learn from this? how does this make me feel? Is this beneficial to me? Does this help with my goals? Do I feel content doing this? Why do I want to do this? Is this worth it? I think if you critically answer these questions you'll make better choices and not what makes others think you're cool rather than if you honestly feel good about yourself before and after doing it.
5. Acknowledge your Clock and work with it.
In other words, “know your timing”. Understanding everyone has different timing will make everything seem less pressuring. Knowing some people become millionaires in their twenties, some in their thirties, and some in their fifties. There is no fixed time for things in life. Yes, you can influence your timing sometimes, you can hasten it or slow it. Being aware of your life’s timing is always a good way to do whatever the fuck you want to do. A friend of mine calls it the “I'm glad you did that but I will do it too as long as I keep trying and my timing is right” guide and honestly that is it.
Don't get intimidated by others rather get motivated by them and trust your timing.
When you've mastered these acts, you become selfish( in a good way) when it comes to making personal decisions, decisions that have a personal impact on you, you move with purpose. You become resistant to other people's unsolicited opinions. You move at your own pace and in your own lane.
What you want today might not be what you want tomorrow, next week, next two months, or even in a few years to come, goals can change and that is fine, it is normal. And a very important reason why you should know yourself, your wants and needs at all stages and phases of your life's journey. Life, as it is, is difficult but leaning into it is what's best.
Do whatever the fuck you want but do it with intentions.
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