When someone is grieving it takes a lot to bring them back to a normal and healthy state of mind, most of which has to happen in their own time. Grieving sometimes doesn't necessarily mean the physical loss of a loved one, one can grieve over a lost job, broken relationships, estranged family and friend, the death of a loved one, sickness etc. At that point there are things you can do as a friend to help and also things you can do that don't help, there's a thin line between helping a grieving person and making matters worse for them. There are few things that you can say and do other than saying "sorry" and "it is well". I’ll talk about of few of those things.
1. Do their laundry
Yes! You read right, do their laundry. A grieving person somehow lives in his/her head, they barely have the zeal to be industrious or even notice they've been wearing the same sweatpants for three days or that they have a plethoric size of laundry that needs to be done. So popping up and doing your grieving friend's laundry will not only give them relief but will also give off the genuine concern and empathy you have for them.
2. Visit them but don't go without their permission
Ok, this part is a bit sketchy because some of them[a grieving person] can be completely out of the raider and it can be hard to not visit them without their permission since you can't reach them prior, this case I understand but in a case where they're reachable, seek their consent before going to their home. Grieving can be overwhelming and most times the griever would want to be left alone, sometimes they would want company so understanding the situation helps a lot.
3. Cook for them but don't force them to eat
Cooking for them is a thoughtful way of showing you care, but don't use it as an avenue to force them to eat, let them take their time and come around when they want. Do make them understand why they need to eat but don't mom them about it.
4. Help them tidy their house and surroundings.
Being unproductive is a part of grieving so being thoughtful enough to help them tidy their space is hands down a better option and will be appreciated greatly.
5. Don't say words like "it is well" "you go dey alright"
If you can't get a better comforting word or sentence just keep your mouth shut respectfully. Using these phrases most times comes off as a reminder of the event or events that brought the grieving person to that point of heavy heart, rather than remind them they are currently sad and it will go away you can complement their strength and how well they are going to be after this phase. A little patronage won’t do no harm.
6. Assist with funeral preparation
The burden of losing someone is already way too much to handle, being a good friend or a good human to say the least you can volunteer to cut some funeral cost for the griever.
7. Give them money but don't feel it's all you have to do
Of course money helps a lot in situations like this and we have this "money is everything" mentality when in reality it really isn't. You can give a grieving person money but don't feel it's all you should do for them and most especially don't feel the money will automatically heal the grieving heart or make the pain go away.
8. Encourage them to go for therapy but don't force them
Grieving is one state of mind and heart that takes time to heal. It takes time and decision to say Goodbye and move on so don't try to speed things up for them. You can help the process by registering them for a section or advising them to consider it but you shouldn't force them into it. Rather than persuade, encourage them to go for it.
9. Ask them what they need.
This should have probably been the first point in this article but all the same it's on the list. Asking them what they need is different from assuming what they need. Get them to a calm state and ask what they need. This can create an avenue to hear things they wouldn't voice out normally and it can help you understand better and know what and what you can do to help them. It also brings them to get comfortable and it shows you really want to help them.
10. If they ask to speak to you,ask this question "Do you want to vent or Do you need advice?"
This point has helped me in my day to day relationship with people and it is a good idea to implement when conversing with a grieving person. Sometimes we tend to air out opinions even when it's not needed and while the other party just needed to get a couple things off their chest, this same technique should be applied in conversations with a grieving person. Ask them what they want? Do you want to vent or you want an advice?. With this you'll cut the cost of saying irrelevant things and knowing when to be a talker or listener.
11. Pray for them.
This is possibly the most important point, there's a hymn we sing in church "I need the prayers of those I love to help me through these trying times" and I've never agreed more to a hymn like I do with this particular hymn. A grieving person needs prayers of their loved ones, prayers of those who care, prayer really does wonders and putting your friend or colleague in need of a comforting heart in prayers might simply be the kindest and most genuine thing you could ever do for them.
I hope this article helps us be better comforters to those grieving around us.
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